He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I supernannyed him into submission
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
