i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm really busy with my period
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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