is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
