im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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