Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
