I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
