I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
