How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just puked most of my soul out..
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
