I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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