Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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