you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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