I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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