Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
