im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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