I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
