don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
