hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
