I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
