A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Text me some of your sweat
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
