Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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