My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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