WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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