i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
