genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Don't tell me you're on acid again
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
