My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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