hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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