found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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