I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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