onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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