You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
