So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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