Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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