3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
