I just saw a hot homeless man
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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