We named our party play list daddy issues
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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