I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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