i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
