hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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