if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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