I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
