I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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