She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
ok first of all what the fuck
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
