oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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