I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
