why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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