whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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