k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
