This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
