I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
