I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
