I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize