I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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