im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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