Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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