Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
