My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
