lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize