remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
