stop calling my apartment porn island.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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