i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
