you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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