Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
