have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
