Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
