Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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