You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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