The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
