he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
