I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
