it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
