my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
